from now on my penis is your penis
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
