You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
