bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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