hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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