thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
