i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
