so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
