I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
