What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
