I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We left an ass print on the piano.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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