you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
