He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
