i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
