I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
