Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
