so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
