just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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