i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
