i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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