i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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