I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
