I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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