If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
