If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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