If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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