two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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