Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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