How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
