You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
