so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found the puke drawer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
