gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
