I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
