I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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