I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
