I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we have pet lesbian snakes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
