i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
