Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
