she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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