I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
