Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
