I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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