Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We had sex on a dog bed..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
