thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
