It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
