my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
