I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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