my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
