We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sober January is a disaster.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
