i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
