Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
