everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
