I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
