is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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