SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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