I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I could make wine with my vomit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
