fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
