Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
