I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
