my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
