"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
