OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
