"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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