Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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