She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
