May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
